Words of hope, words of comfort

Apr '06: I wrote my book A Mother in my Heart in 2000 when I was 42. I wrote it to help myself deal with my childlessness and not just to "come to terms" with it (horrible expression!) but to "turn this loss into a triumph, a blessing, a true gift from God" (as I wrote in the Foreword).

Isla asked me to write something about how that turned out. Did I do it? Did I succeed? Well, I guess triumph is not quite the right word. Or perhaps it really is. Now, aged 48 I am absolutely clear I do not want children. If you put a baby in my arms tomorrow I might very well give it back. (Well, I'm 95% sure I would!)

I love the life I have now and to be honest, when I am with friends and my very beloved god-children I often breathe a sigh of relief that I really can give them back. I have realised what a tough job parenthood is. It can be hell. Children can be hell. In the throes of childlessness it was easy to romanticise the whole thing and make it the only way I could ever be happy.

I suppose what the triumph is for me is that I have completely healed an area of my life that was more devastating than anything else I have ever experienced. It's completely done and I don't have any twinges of regret or sadness. I would never have thought this was possible.

I think what I have learned is that I am completely responsible for my emotional state and the quality of my life and I don't want to be a victim of any of the circumstances of my life. Doing an Insight Seminar helped me a lot with that (details below).

I have a lot of love in my life. I have loads of fun with my friends' kids when I see them. I'm at peace about not being a mother. I'm pretty sure that counts as a triumph. (Ginny Fraser)

A Mother in my Heart is available for £7.95 from ginnyf@tiscali.co.uk
For information on Insight courses contact stacey@insightseminars.org

Feb '06: It seems sad that you and so many other people like you, have to struggle and feel bereft because they don't have a child, but there is purpose to it as there is to all things, and it may well be that someone like you, so able, so articulate and so easy to be with, has more to offer through this particular difficulty than in any other way. (Dana Harvey)

Jan '06: We've been trying for a baby for almost six years and - sadly - never got the happy ending we'd hoped for. In my experience, it is possible to come to terms with infertility, although there are times when it is far from easy. I read the following quote somewhere and it really seemed to strike a chord with me. "Life is rarely perfect, but that doesn't mean that it can't be great". And I guess that sums up how I feel, now. (Isla McGuckin)