Apr '06: I wrote my book A Mother
in my Heart in 2000 when I was 42. I wrote it to help myself deal with
my childlessness and not just to "come to terms" with it (horrible
expression!) but to "turn this loss into a triumph, a blessing, a
true gift from God" (as I wrote in the Foreword).
Isla asked me to write something about how that turned out. Did I do it?
Did I succeed? Well, I guess triumph is not quite the right word. Or perhaps
it really is. Now, aged 48 I am absolutely clear I do not want children.
If you put a baby in my arms tomorrow I might very well give it back.
(Well, I'm 95% sure I would!)
I love the life I have now and to be honest, when I am with friends and
my very beloved god-children I often breathe a sigh of relief that I really
can give them back. I have realised what a tough job parenthood is. It
can be hell. Children can be hell. In the throes of childlessness it was
easy to romanticise the whole thing and make it the only way I could ever
I suppose what the triumph is for me is that I have completely healed
an area of my life that was more devastating than anything else I have
ever experienced. It's completely done and I don't have any twinges of
regret or sadness. I would never have thought this was possible.
I think what I have learned is that I am completely responsible for my
emotional state and the quality of my life and I don't want to be a victim
of any of the circumstances of my life. Doing an Insight Seminar helped
me a lot with that (details below).
I have a lot of love in my life. I have loads of fun with my friends'
kids when I see them. I'm at peace about not being a mother. I'm pretty
sure that counts as a triumph. (Ginny Fraser)
A Mother in my Heart is available for £7.95 from firstname.lastname@example.org
For information on Insight courses contact email@example.com
Feb '06: It seems sad that you and so many other people like you, have
to struggle and feel bereft because they don't have a child, but there
is purpose to it as there is to all things, and it may well be that someone
like you, so able, so articulate and so easy to be with, has more to offer
through this particular difficulty than in any other way. (Dana Harvey)
Jan '06: We've been trying for a baby for almost six years and - sadly
- never got the happy ending we'd hoped for. In my experience, it is
possible to come to terms with infertility, although there are times when
it is far from easy. I read the following quote somewhere and it really
seemed to strike a chord with me. "Life is rarely perfect, but that
doesn't mean that it can't be great". And I guess that sums up how
I feel, now. (Isla McGuckin)